


Dean "Dissapointment" Winchester

by peachxlobtomy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Kitsune, M/M, Minor Character Death, Young Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-31 06:31:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21099608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachxlobtomy/pseuds/peachxlobtomy
Summary: Dean knew he was bisexual from the young and impressionable age of 13.When he was 16 he locked this little fact about him in the back of his mind past all the facts about how to exorcise demons, rid houses of ghost, and kill vampires.Here's why





	Dean "Dissapointment" Winchester

**Author's Note:**

> another thanks to @warcrimez for editing for me they a real one

The date was August 20th, 1995. It was 3am. 

Dean Winchester aged 16 was sitting shotgun in his fathers impala, window down so he could hear the sound of the car cutting through the air as his father sped down an empty back road out of town. He glanced over his shoulder through the space between the door and the seat to see his little brother Sammy was asleep in the back blissfully unaware.

"You know im very dissapointed in you Dean." John said roughly, gripping the steering wheel so tight Dean thought he'd pop a blood vessel. "Yes sir." He mumbled back leaning on his fist and whimpering softly as pain surged through the split in his lip.

~They'd been in the same city for a month. The first week Dean and Sam had gotten bored of being cooped up and their dad had brought them some more money and explained they'd be in town longer than expected, so they took the cash and went out into town. They found the town mall and immediately went for lunch first. They sat at the table eating burgers and talking out where they were going. Technically they should've gone together but Sam was 12 now and besides, they didn't like the same things. Dean longed to hit the record store while Sam wanted the arcade. 

As the brothers were talking Dean was looking around when he caught sight of him. Another boy. Around Dean's age, maybe a year or two older and about the same height as Dean too. Dean got this feeling in his gut and he dismissed Sam to the arcade mumbling something about him being a nerd. The guy looked at Dean and smiled and Dean smiled back taking that as the chance to walk over to him. ~

Dean stuck his hand out the window squinting his eyes at the road ahead ignoring his fathers ranting about how he was irresponsible and untrustworthy. He'd heard it all before after all. Usually it was because Sammy got hurt though that wasn't the case this time and that's what made it sting. Dean already beat himself up over Sam, nothing his dad said could be worse then what he told himself, but this was different. Far different.

~Dean continuously hung out with the boy for the month. The boy had a name. Dean learned it was Luke and he was 17. They were hanging out at Luke's house this time. It was already 10 pm and they were in his bedroom. The night started with both boys innocently playing Atari in front of Luke's little television but it had gotten to Dean laying on the floor gripping the other boys jacket, a thigh between his own and lips pressed against his. 

Luke's bedroom door didn't have a lock and maybe that was the first mistake. Luke's door swung open, hitting the wall and his dad stormed in. It shook both boys up to say the least. Luke's dad grabbed Dean by the collar dragging him up and pushing him against a wall. "Oh son,you brought home dinner!" He growled.  
Luke had frowned pulling at his dad."No! Dont hurt him!" He insisted, getting a back hand from his dad which knocked him to the floor out cold. 

"What the fuck are you!" Dean shouted as he squirmed. He hit Dean, hissing an a attempt to shut the boy up. His eyes changed to yellow with slits and Dean was confused, ignoring the pain in his lip. The man raised his hand, claws extending and then grunted as a knife slid in his heart from behind. When the guy dropped to the ground Dean was met with his father's dissapointed eyes. He avoided them by looking down immediately, noticing the blood already surrounding Luke. He was dead too. Stabbed.

Dean teared up at that, but followed his father outside of the house quietly. He slid his hand along the railing. The case was over now he assumed but he was clearly wrong as they got out to the porch and his dad pressed a heavy hand against his chest. "What was that? Huh? I leave you alone with your brother and you leave him to hook up with a monster?" Dean looked scared and shook his head "What hook up? That's preposterous. We were hanging out." He smiled, trying to push his dad off but John twisted his hand in Dean's shirt, pushing him against the outside paneling of the house."I know dean. Luke's mom? She was also one of them. She told me about your fling. She got away thanks to your poor judgement and now we got to get out of dodge." He shoved Dean and walked back to the car, slamming the door shut when he got in. Dean took a moment before following. ~

Sam was passed out unaware. He thought Luke was just a friend. Their dad just got mad because Dean wasn't doing his job. Wasn't protecting Sam. Dean sighed, at least he got that much he guessed.

His dad went quiet as they rode to Sioux Falls. John had decided he was dropping the boys off with Bobby until Dean shaped up. John woke Sam up and got him to sluggishly go inside as Bobby stood by the door. When Dean got out however John grabbed his collar. "Easy there. Bobby, some privacy." Bobby looked unsure but went inside. He knew it wasn't his place. John got mad at him before for being too nice to the boys (Dean especially) because he wasn't their father, it wasn't his place. Dean sighed leaning against the impala's hood with his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

John turned to the oldest boy and shook his head, gripping Dean's shoulder tightly. "You ruined the case you know that right? More people are gonna die for your hook up with some monster." "I'm sorry sir." Dean muttered. "If your brother wasn't so young this would crush him you know. His older brother who takes care of him and he idolizes? A sissy." The word hung in the air and ripped through Dean's heart like the knife that went through Luke's.  
"Seriously, I can't afford two hotel rooms Dean. Get yourself in check." His father said in a stern voice and patted his shoulder, getting in the car.

Dean pushed off the hood feeling numb and completely broken by his father's words. He let himself in Bobby's house avoiding Bobby's questioning look and went up to the spare room Bobby always left for the boys. Sam was asleep again on the tiny old bed and Dean watched for a moment before going back down stairs. "What's up Dean?" "Do you have a blanket? I want to sleep on the couch." He said numbly, crossing his arms and staring at the floorboards. 

Bobby brought him a blanket and sat at his desk again as Dean laid under the blanket on the couch staring straight ahead. He had so many feelings. Dean had already coined a term for his sexuality, he's considered himself as bi since he was atleast 13 although he never found a reason to tell anyone. Never stayed in one place long enough for it to matter. He decided he'd just change the label then. He couldn't be so vile, something so dirty John didn't even trust him sleeping in the same room as Sam. He couldn't hurt his baby brother like that. So he'd just be straight. It wasn't that hard to just stay clear of fling's with boys. He could atleast for his families sake. So he did just that. He pushed the feelings down and locked them up. Sometimes he'd wonder about what could've been if he had let a boy in this town or that town closer to him and when he did he thought back to his fathers words and never looked back. 

×××  
When Dean was much older and met a certain blue eyes black haired angel he felt those feelings again and fuck, Lord knew he prayed every night for them to go away. But the only person listening was the aforementioned angel who didn't quite understand Dean's trauma. The sentences that Dean repeated to himself when he laid in bed at night dreaming of something more. Castiel didn't understand it at all, he believed it was something wrong with himself rather the older Winchester so he kept his distance while Dean's safety walls crumbled around him, wondering of what could've been.


End file.
